I hate it. I hate falling in my dreams (it feels weird), falling for people because I always end up getting hurt, and falling far away from dreams that I once had.
Over the past two weeks or so, I’ve managed to do all three. (YAY -_____-)
Before you keep reading *This post is more so for myself. To organize and gather my thoughts before I go crazy*
Last spring, I realized that I had fallen into the person I was supposed to be. Finally comfortable in my own skin and ready to take on the world. As the year is coming to an end, I was reflecting on how much I had accomplished for myself and others and was quite happy. Until now. I was becoming complacent with life because I felt like it was at a stand still. I honestly thought I couldn’t better myself anymore until I graduated and here’s why (I usually break it down into three categories):
Maturity/Self Discovery: I usually do this through school, home life, and traveling. I’ve definitely milked both venues to the max and can’t grow until I graduate and move out. Luckily a little more self discovery will take place on my NY trip.
Selflessness: I try to find ways to help others on a regular basis (giving advice, philanthropy, helping family members, etc.) it forces me to learn from others, but I’d like to do this on a larger scale which I can’t do until I’m out of school.
Relationships: Lovey dovey things are cute and fun but I want to make sure that the person that I can share those things with is on the same level as I am. That always seems to be my problem when I choose to date people. Though there is a candidate, I feel like I can’t grow in this category because I’m a scaredy cat. Scared of getting hurt, scared of the future, just scared so I’m just patiently waiting.
Today’s events pretty much pushed me over the edge and I am so grateful that I get to hide out at the country house by myself today but it could result in one of two things. I’m either going to think things through and come up with a mature, level-headed solution OR I’m going to withdraw into myself and not care about anything like I used to. I’m feeling the latter of the two. So sorry if i’m not “myself” for a while, I’m taking a visit back to my roots. It may not be safe, but it has to be done.